Dr. Larry McSwain ethics professor at McAfee School of Theology
would give a legendary lecture concerning ministerial ethics. And in this
lecture he would talk about the third rails of ministry, things every minister
needs to be mindful of. He would open by
giving us examples of sordid affairs and indiscretions by ministers as a
warning to the young preachers in his class. And we listened in disbelief,
not wanting to hear the things that took place while in the
ministry. And we all swore that it would never be us, that we would never stoop
so low, that we would never lose sight of who we were called to be.
And one year later another brother
or sister finds themselves in an unethical situation we all hang our heads low.
A part of it is the messiness of life, that as much as we try and for all of
our good intentions, people are still going to well… “people”. We are going to
muck situations up by the sheer virtue of showing up. We are going to break
something by the mere persistence of our presence. People are good at “people’ing”. Give us the simplest task and we will find a
way to complicate it. We fall in love
and in lust. We are swayed by our emotions they lead to places we had no intent
upon going. We see brass rings and shiny things and we reach for them because
they look so good but mean us no good. People are good at “people’ing”
But I want to draw a distinction between
bringing our flaws and personality defects to the dinner table and using our
positions, power, and privilege to prey on others. Because what I am seeing is not the
traditional tropes of “we all fall short of the glory of God”; I am seeing
predatory behaviors being sugarcoated with flowery rhetoric. There is a difference between falling short
and conceding to be a crap person. There is a difference between an indiscretion
and manipulation. There is a difference between and accident and intent. We are not falling short, in order to fall
you would have to stand first. We are wearing masks of virtue when in reality
we are vipers on the hunt.
We are not vipers for having desires. We are not vipers for
enjoying sex. We are not vipers for being sensual creatures. We are not vipers
for having aspirations. We are vipers for being inauthentic concerning our
intents. We are vipers for preying upon people’s insecurities. We are vipers for playing emotional shell
games. Our passions, our desires do not make us viperous people; failing to be
responsible for them does. Failing to check ourselves when we know our capacity
for destruction makes us viperous.
Practicing theology that does not accommodate for healthy
articulations of our sensuous selves meanwhile taking part in irresponsible
behaviors makes us vipers. Portraying abstinence
for single people as the pathway to righteousness, while having no intent or
desire to follow that path… is viperous.
Structuring our ministries to
serve single people when in reality they prey on the insecurities of single
black women … is viperous.
The problem is not in our pants. The problem is not in our
sensuality. The problem is not in our sexuality. The problems are not found in
our orientation. The aforementioned may be scandalous but that is not where the
problem lies; the problem is in our lack of integrity. We have become so invested in the persona that
we send into the world that we have no idea what healthy relationships look
like. We lie to ourselves concerning what we need, and why we need it and
expect others to be okay with our manipulations. We create relationships that
are rooted in hypocrisy and deception. We refuse to tell the truth about
ourselves and because of our hypocrisy people in our lives learn to love the
strangers who wear our skin. Such duplicity causes us to live without integrity.
Living without integrity we become vampires with bloodlust consuming everything
and everyone around us. We bleed them dry for their love, affirmation, and
care, happy to consume but too selfish to give.
When people who lead congregations refuse to live healthy and
whole lives we spread a disease of apathy and exceptionalism to those most
vulnerable in our congregations. We are modeling behaviors that suggest that
accountability is good for you but when you lead you are accountable to no one.
Instead of modeling behaviors that are healthy
for our communities at whole we pass the pain around like the offering tray at
midday. We are the same ministers that use the pulpit as a place to police
sexuality but lack the authenticity to police our own behaviors. We are the same ministers who preach
respectability but will not walk with authenticity. We are the same ministers
who point fingers at others but prey on those whom we are pointing. This act is
the height of hypocrisy
We create a church culture that is unable to speak maturely about
desire. A culture sees no value in desire beyond a catalyst that leads to procreation.
Church culture remains infantile in its ability to navigate our sensual and
spiritual selves. We are working from models of human sexuality that are
centuries old. Approaching our sensual selves in this light is tantamount to
using carrier pigeons to relay messages when a phone is in your hand. We know
better and we have been called to do better.
We know that desire in
itself is not bad. It should be celebrated to be celebrated. They are given to
us by a wonderful and caring God. Our desires are meant to be explored,
understood and managed responsibly. They are not meant to be ignored,
suppressed or prayed away. Desires should be welcomed and affirmed .When
managed effectively they bring us closer to ourselves and to our partners. When
we are able to communicate desires, our sensuous needs, we are able to fully participate
in the abundance of life withholding nothing.
However, communicating such need requires that we do the deep
and often painful work of honesty and integrity. Locating what the soul needs
to flourish requires that we commit to an integrous walk of interpersonal
ownership, in other words we have to own it, claim it, hone it. We can’t place
the responsibility for our brokenness at anyone’s feet but ours. . The devil didn’t
make us do it. We were not tempted or seduced; we wanted to take advantage of
the situation before us. And we own the fact that we abused our power and
abused people. That language is painful but it is necessary.
The good news of
ownership is; whatever you own you have the capacity to influence. When we own our brokenness we have the
capacity to seek repair. If we own our frailty we have the capacity to secure
integrity. If we own our carelessness we
have the capacity to become mindful. And if we own our desires we turn shame
into celebration.
